Sad reality of Kardashian demise
Let's set the scene: It's 2007 and Fergie's classic hit song Fergalicious is playing over the radio because Spotify hasn't been invented yet.
You're driving your gunmetal grey Mazda 3 to the cinema to see the new Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl movie Knocked Up. It's before the world started hating Katherine.
You're running late so you yank your hot pink Motorola Razr flip phone out of the pocket of your True Religion jeans and text your friends. You don't pull over to type the message because it's not illegal to text while driving.
What a time to be alive!
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This is the same year an Armenian-American family hit the small screen with a little show called Keeping Up With The Kardashians. None of our lives would ever be the same again.
The family's announcement this week that they'll wind up the show came as a shock. I've never watched it but clips have glided through my social media feed over the years. It's usually just them sitting around Kris' kitchen eating takeaway salads and having phone conversations on loudspeaker.
But I've liked knowing it was there. It's kinda like a crappy cafe that's in your neighbourhood for a hundred years - the coffee's terrible and no one wants to go there. But the moment it shuts down everyone gets nostalgic and complains about the suburb changing.
The world has changed a lot since that family leveraged a sex tape and burst onto our screens in 2007. It was a simpler time.
The pandemic has altered life completely and now the Kardashians bowing out just makes us take stock and realise how good the world once was.
Back when Keeping Up With The Kardashians started, The Simple Life had just ended and Paris Hilton was more famous than Kim. Kim had just finished the role of a lifetime as Paris' personal assistant.
She wasn't the iconic latex bodysuit wearing mogul she is today. In 2007, she looked like some chick you went to high school with who wore all her older sister's Just Jeans hand-me-downs.
The N95 face mask might be the must-have accessory in 2020 but, back then, it was all about the wide leather belt and gradient-lens shield sunnies. Add a Von Dutch trucker hat to complete the look.
We actually still watched TV in 2007. There was no Netflix. You were living large if you had a bloody Foxtel subscription.
Nothing felt better than spending long hot summer days in your airconditioned living room while flipping between Showtime and Movie One. Maybe you'd flick over to Channel V to see the hot new video clips - or Music Max, if Sarah McLachlan was more your vibe.
If you went out to a club (arriving in an old-timey taxi), you'd take your pink Sony Cyber-shot digital camera to capture the fun because the camera on your flip phone had the screen quality of a Game Boy.
Months later, you'd go get the photos printed and we'd all ignore each other's yellow teeth and red eyes. Back then, we couldn't buy off-brand teeth whitening lasers from Instagram because neither of those things existed and no one had access to Photoshop.
And being woke wasn't a thing. Summer Heights High came out in 2007 and we all thought Chris Lilley was a comedic genius.
Velour sweatpants with the word "Juicy" written on the butt were socially acceptable. Butt-slogan sweatpants should really make a comeback.
It was also the year Victoria Beckham tried to crack it in LA - filming a one-off TV documentary about the family's move to Hollywood. This was well before she became a super chic fashion designer.
Back then, she'd just bleached her hair and invented The Pob. She still had a touch of Katie Price about her and the Beckham's future really could've gone either way.
She also had a catchphrase she was hoping would become a trend. "That's major!" she would declare during the TV doco if she thought someone was amazing.
Unlike the Kardashians, Posh's catchphrase didn't take off.
But now they're gone. And that's major.
Originally published as Sad reality of Kardashian demise