OPINION: Why Trump and Palmer are great-ing on my nerves
THEY say truth is stranger than fiction and often that's true, in politics, anyway.
And while I love a good story, there are times when fairy tales are best left in the bookshelf.
If I had to pin a badge of honour on the world's greatest fiction writers I know who I'd honour first - these two men, workers of masterful and creative enchantment - would be none other than US President Donald Trump and of course, Clive Palmer who is now back and champing at the bit.
Why you ask?
Well it's all because of one catch-phrase I think is the corniest thing this side of the universe.
Heck, a corn cob on a corn farm would look at it and say "wow that's corny”.
I'm not referring to their ideas or their policies or even their specific politics.
I'm talking about making stuff great again.
Great? What was great?
All eras come bundled with good and bad. Just one example, I'd love to be back in the '50s for the simplicity of life.
I'd also not like to live in the '50s because society had some pretty weird expectations for women back then.
Maybe "great again” refers to the days when we prepped our baby nurseries by spraying DDT up the walls to keep bugs out?
Or are they going even further back in time, perhaps before electricity and sanitation? I suppose that could be better for the environment, not to mention cheaper.
Who exactly are these men talking to when they talk about going back to "greatness” anyway? Great for who?
If possible, I'd like to pop back to the Jurassic and see a real T-rex (not a fake one, Clive).
What defines great in the past? Sorry to burst your bubble, but there was no great.
Some things will always be better and some things worse but these two men, in an effort to incite the wildest dreams of their conservative fan bases, have fictioned up some weird utopia where Mum wears a bow in her hair to hide her depression and Dad smokes his pipe like a real man (ignoring the health dangers of course) and there was a healthy dose of ignorance to keep us all snug while we slept at night.
And while we all love to dream of better days, those better days are just that - a dream.
While people like Trump and Palmer want us all to chase utopian ideals the sobering reality is they do not exist - they are simply a marketing ploy to make people think they're missing out on something these guys have the power to dish up.
If they have specific plans to take things back to how they were in the "good old days” then where are the road maps?
Perhaps they could earmark a specific year they have in mind and outline exactly what was great about it.
The term "great again” is just code for "let's regress” and that's precisely why you'll never hear the specifics.