Labor to introduce penalty rates for Centrelink payments
A LESSER-known election promise to apply penalty rates for those on Centrelink for more than 38 hours a week will hit parliament today.
The rates as proposed will see time-and-a-half granted for 'unemployed overtime'.
Background: Chamber of Commerce urges bargaining for penalty rates
The Labor government's unemployment and re-election spokesman Steven Gells said the changes came from "listening to the small business community."
"We could have sworn we heard them say something about penalty rates and employment," he said.
"My notes tell me that so long as the unemployed are happy then Labor MPs will keep their jobs."
Mr Gells was then tackled to the ground by his advisor before journalists were taken to a fire escape and ejected from the building.
Queensland Unemployment Economics Foundation CEO Karsen Ogen condemned the move, calling it "economic apocalyptia".
"You can't pay people more for being less employed," he told Frisky Business.
"We shouldn't be encouraging people to stay at home doing nothing when they should be out justifying their lives by contributing labour.
"We need to aim for a system were welfare isn't enough to survive on."
Our interview with Mr Ogen was interrupted when the Political Correctness Police entered the room and arrested him for "hate speech".
A recent survey by the QueenslandInstitute showed regional small business owners are stockpiling to create their own state after being, as one respondent put it, "screwed from every political direction possible, and some that aren't.
The SMEs behind the new state have yet to release a location for their new state in case the media ruins that for them too.
New metadata retention laws mean that by reading this column you've agreed to have you and your family's browsing monitored by the sleaziest possible bureaucrat we could find.
Frisky Business is a Satire Column. It is not real.